I cant. I cant do this anymore. My body is eating itself alive with these horrible feelings that I have been having since freshman year. I am with someone -- that I no longer love. It's an addiction -- it's what im USED to. It's what I run to. It's what I live for. But not any longer. This addiction will stop. This heartache will stop.
My so-called 'boyfriend' (if thats even a word...) decides on his own, completely against my will for him to do, that he has NO other choice in the entire world but to stay in small ass, boring ass Albany and work for THE ONLY NON-PROFIT ACCOUTING FIRM IN THE ENTIREEEE STATE OF NEW YORK b/c that's the only source of income he has...ooo wow. He tells me AND my MOM that he will be coming home every weekend to see me and even told me he couldnt drive places because he has to 'save miles' on his car. During the semester, I went to Albany from New Paltz EVERY weekend and have put over 50,000 miles on my car since last August -- and he cant make a few trips to come home to see me? The thing is -- if he never said he'd come home, then I wouldnt be expecting it and couldnt be upset -- BUT he told me that he was definitely coming home every weekend.
Its been 3 weeks -- the first weekend, he came home. The second weekend, "I forced him to come home" on a Saturday. Its now Monday and he is telling me he is not coming home this weekend because he doesnt feel like driving. 3 weekends and he's already telling me he doesnt want to drive??? Come on, now. Basically, what he told me was a lie and this DEFINITELY is not the first direct lie. I have been dealing with this for 6 years -- a pathological retard.
He is now telling me and EXPECTING me to come up this weekend when I am starting a brand new job at a RESTAURANT and he thinks Im gunna tell them that Im gunna take off for HIM but he CHOOSES to stay 3 hours away from me so he can work? So im supposed to stop EVERYTHING and wlk away from everything because HE says so. But when the time comes for him to step up to the plate -- what does he do?? backs down and blames everything on me. Its MY summer vacation -- the LAST summer before I start work/law school and he expects me to pretty much not get a job so when he snaps his fingers and needs me up there, I can come -- like a good little doggie that I am. Well you know what -- FUCK you. Fuck everything about you. You think youre awesome, you think youre the best boyfriend in the world. Do you realize how much better I could do?????? I need to get up and leave your sorry ass. Youre a mad annoying, messed up, lying asshole.
So, let me now bow down to king Greg -- the almighty. Let me sit home during the week, not work, not make money, like a good little Stepford wife and wait for ME to put miles on MY car and drive 3 hours up to Albany so he has no responsibility, no concern, and no worries -- Allie was a good little girl and obeyed her orders.
You think this Ok? You think this is the end? Dont worry cuz bitch, YOU DONT KNOW ME.
